


Inside the Mind of Tendou Satori

by lavenderring



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:14:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28230741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderring/pseuds/lavenderring
Summary: Tendou and Ushijima were never soulmates.Tendou knew this better than anyone.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 130





	Inside the Mind of Tendou Satori

**Author's Note:**

> I was sick of seeing poor characterizations of Tendou and Ushijima and there are not enough fics out there about them so when I was up late, sleep-deprived and a burst of creativity came, this was born. I hope you enjoy it! I love my angst with a happy ending tag.
> 
> Come say hi on Tumblr!   
> https://skamdumpster.tumblr.com/

Tendou and Ushijima were never soulmates. 

Tendou knew this better than anyone. 

And it wasn’t about them being polar opposites, or one not liking the other as much. It was just that they had an expiration date, simple as that. Ushijima would soon be onto bigger and better things, being a literal greek god in the Olympics and wooing strangers with his handsome-laser gaze. Tendou would just fly wherever the wind would take him or wherever he felt. He had no set plan, no set future while Ushijima had his life planned out without even trying. 

Tendou got attached and sure, it would be hard to let him go eventually but it had to be done. It was better for Ushijima, focus on himself and others, and find that person who fits. 

Maybe it’ll be a nice, next-door-neighbor, sweet-as-candy girl who would slot in like a puzzle piece. She would politely clap at his games (Tendou could never keep quiet if he watched Ushijima), make healthy dinners for him whenever he wanted (Tendou kept making candy for him even though Ushijima insisted they weren’t necessary, probably because of training), and even be the public’s “Japan’s sweetheart”. 

Tendou could never be Japan’s sweetheart. 

It was almost frightening going out with Ushijima. Tendou would feel people’s stares looming over him as he looped his arm through Ushijima’s, haunting and stalking him as they strode along.

He wants to brandish his only weapon, words, against them, “He loves me! He wants me to be his!” but the attack would cower in the presence of the stares. The stares would know it’s not the truth. 

“Tendou,” Ushijima said, poking him with a chopstick. He looked as handsome as ever, stare as neutral as ever, hair as flat as ever. Tendou reached out to ruffle it but felt the stares. 

He retracted his hand and smiled softly at his taller boyfriend. They were sitting on the bank of a river, eating their respective bento boxes. It was just before their graduation, the feel, and smell of springtime thick in the air. Tendou had wanted to go on a picnic to mark off another box on his “Couple activities for me and my wonderful farmer boyfriend before we part ways forever since he’s perfect.” He heard the movements of the sleepy river behind the giggles of children biking past. 

“What is it, my Ushi?” Tendou purred, turning away as he went into his bento box to fish out a sushi roll. He popped it into his mouth and chewed, feeling Ushjima’s gaze. 

“You’re quiet,” Ushijima stated bluntly. “What’s wrong?”

“Ushi, you don’t get to say that when you’re the mute one in the relationship.” 

Ushijima didn’t retort, keeping his watch on Tendou’s side profile. Tendou sighed and returned the gaze. 

“Nothing’s wrong.” Tendou’s eyelids drooped as he jutted his chin forward, a look that he put on to keep the lie. “Just thinking about graduation.”

“Ah,” he said, knowingly. He peered out at the river and nodded a little. “Graduation is approaching quickly.” 

Tendou hummed knowingly and followed Ushijima’s line of focus. “It is.” 

“Are you thinking more specifically about us?”

Tendou's wide eyes widened a little bit more. He blinked a couple of times before shaking his head, chuckling to hide the poor reaction. 

Tendou couldn’t come up with a lie that wasn’t hurtful, that would keep him tethered to Ushijima just a little longer. He settled on deflection to use in his remark back. “Are you?”

“Of course.” 

Tendou blinked a few more times. He gave Ushjima time to collect his thoughts and continue talking, but a few too many moments passed. He gripped his bento box a little tighter and stared down into it. He loved most of the time that Ushijima was a human being with purely just honesty and a couple of words filled inside him but this was not one of those times.

“You wanna elaborate, Wakatoshi?” 

“Of course I have thought about us, I always do.” Ushijima looked back at Tendou. “You’re a priority.”

Tendou’s heart melted at those robotic words, knowing that is as close as Ushijima flinging himself to his feet and kissing them as he would get. He leaned closer, putting his chin on his champion while peering up at him. He could see Ushijima’s lips quirk up ever so slightly. 

He then licked a stripe up the side of Ushijima’s neck, very unsexily. 

Ushijima giggled.

Tendou’s eyes enlarged at that, verly slowly as he suppressed a smile. He veered back just a little and processed what just happened. Minutes go by as Ushjima kept his usual focus on him, eyes full of no emotion and trying to act like nothing happened.

“Wakatoshi,” Tendou started. “What the fuck. Was that.” 

Ushijima kept his eyes on Tendou. 

Tendou laughed fully, with his belly. He could not believe he was so lucky to hear Ushijima giggle. He wanted to pitch a tent in that moment, stay awhile to feel that moment intensely. He felt his heart grow bigger somehow. 

“You giggled!” 

“You licked me.” 

“You, Ushijima Wakatoshi, giggled.”

“You, Tendou Satori, licked me.” 

Tendou was still smiling to himself as he went back to pick at the food in the bento box. He slowly started to separate a sushi roll, plucking the sticks of cucumber and setting them aside. Ushijima just watched. Tendou felt his tongue poke out the side of his mouth in concentration. He liked picking at his food, for some unknown reasoning. He just liked messing around with it. He eventually ate it but not before completely dissecting it into something else entirely. He removed the crab in the roll next. 

“I love you.” Ushijima blurted out. 

“No, you don’t.” Tendou’s knee jerk reaction slipped out of him. 

“Yes, I do.”

“You can’t.” Tendou tapped his chopsticks against the side of the box. He wouldn’t let Ushijima throw away his life like this. Not on somebody like him. 

“I don’t care.” Ushijima insisted. “I do.”

Ushijima really was the perfect man. He never looked down on Tendou, even though he easily could. He never lied to him to protect his feelings, even though everyone else had. So, Tendou had full trust in Ushijima. How could he not? 

It was like he had gracefully pulled his heart out from where it resided and while cupping his hands, showcased it just for Tendou. He refused to make eye contact with the taller man, even though the gaze burned into the side of Tendou’s face. 

“Do you love me?” Ushijima asked. Tendou debated between absolutely breaking his heart, keeping him away from the human time bomb that is himself, and telling the unfiltered truth, like Ushijima had. Was Tendou capable of the same removal of his own heart for Ushijima?

“Of course I do.” Tendou played with his food again. “How could I not?”

How could he not give Ushijima everything he had?

Ushijima let out what seemed to be a sigh of relief? This shocked Tendou. An insecure Ushijima was something he had never seen, he didn’t think anybody had seen before. Tendou felt the twist and pull and tug at his guts, full of guilt. Had he really not made his love clear enough?

A voice screamed in his head _Wrong move! You’re supposed to be keeping him away from you! He’s supposed to move on with his life with that sweet candy girl who makes him vegetable dinners. Not stuck with you!_

“Then, that settles it,” Ushijima stated as he got up. He held his hand out for Tendou to grab. The red-haired man took it after putting the lid on his bento box. “We’ll be together.”

Tendou had to admire that determination. It felt like those words were the key to open up the section in his brain where the ability to voice insecurities lied. He gripped Ushijima’s hand as they walked to the taller man’s truck, ignoring those pesky stares that crept upon him, and mumbled to the ground, “We won’t be together like that forever.” 

Ushijima’s stone-cold face (always reminded Tendou of that statue in Night of the Museum) wavered. An event as rare as the blue moon. Frustration painted his face. 

“Why?” Ushijima really never used more words than necessary. And Tendou felt that pull and punch and poke at his guts again.

“Because…” Was Tendou really about to throw a pity party for himself? He was planning on it. He had prepared his mind for it, the influx of doubtful thoughts overflowing the space that was his brain and take it over. “You have a lot of potential.” 

Ushijima remained silent. He knew Tendou had more to say, he knew that he was throwing a raging pity party in his mind and Tendou was praying that he wouldn’t want an invitation. 

But as soon as Ushijima threaded his fingers with Tendou’s, a silent move to get Tendou to open up, he knew that Ushijima wanted a gold sealed envelope giving him the address and time of the party. Tendou pursed his lips. 

“I won’t be Japan’s sweetheart.” Tendou blurted. He hoped Ushijima would maybe piece together his stream of consciousness that flowed from his mouth. “I won’t stop making you chocolates, mostly because it’s fun but I also like to spoil you. I won’t politely clap in the stands. I won’t - can’t fit in anywhere like a puzzle piece.” 

Tendou could see the statements fly out of his mouth to hang in there. What the fuck was Ushijima supposed to do about this? He couldn’t just make them disappear, no matter how much Tendou wished it was that simple. He probably couldn’t even put them together to form a coherent, normal person thought. Tendou threw his head back to look anywhere but the words in front of him. The sky had turned a nice shade of hot pink, Tendou’s favorite color. 

The voice was back. _Shut up, Tendou! Look at what you’ve done! Words floating around, loud party in your brain, a voice in your head! You’re a mess and you’re letting Ushijima in! Get him out get him out get him out GET HIM OUT_ .

“I don’t want you to.” Ushijima cocked his head to the side a little. “Who told you I wanted that?”

“It’s what you deserve.”

“So no one told you that.” They got to Ushijima’s truck and Tendou let his hand fall. He moved to go open the passenger side door but the spiker crowded him into the side of the truck. 

“Wakatoshi…” 

“Just making sure there’s not a person telling you these lies. I don’t want any of what you previously stated.” Ushijima’s face remained in that statue-like look. 

“It’s not really a person…” Tendou refused to make eye contact with Ushijima even though it grew exceedingly harder the closer he got. 

“Who is it?”

The party raged harder inside. The words grew bolder, swirling around Ushijima. The voice got louder. 

_Look at this! Ushijima is asking about me! Maybe if you tell him about me, you can scare him away! Just make this easy and cut things off now. It’s selfish as it is to keep him here with you right now, I can’t believe the nerve you have to wait._

“Satori…” Ushijima rarely used Tendou’s first name. It made Tendou give him the eye contact he seemed to want so badly. There was that same key to that same room Ushijima had flashed earlier. 

“There’s a voice telling me I should break up with you.” Tendou stated. “It tells me you should go on to be an olympian without me dragging you along. It told me all the things about what you deserve.” That felt good to get out, to get off his chest. Maybe he’ll continue with that same sentiment. 

“There’s a huge party going on inside my head right now and there are words flying above your head. There’s a polite candy girl who will give you vegetables and there are eyeballs that follow us everywhere and I can’t fight them since I can only use words but words are also my greatest enemy.” 

Ushijima pulled away a little and kept an unwavering face plastered on. Tendou sighed.

_You’ve done it. You’ve really done it. Say your goodbyes since your luck has run out on this one._

“I don’t care about any of that.” Ushijima waved his hands back and forth to dissipate the words in the air. 

“I don’t think I deserve you so it is ironic you say that to me.” The party quieted down. 

“I love everything about you, Satori. I want you to stay with me. I hope you can forgive me for being so selfish.” The voice was merely a whisper in the back of Tendou’s mind. 

Tendou’s focus was just on the wonderful man in front of him. The red-haired man rushed forward to grab the taller one into an embrace. He buried his face in the crook of Ushijima’s neck. 

He couldn't believe he knew exactly what to say to subside the commotion that was happening. Ushijima worked a miracle. Maybe his nickname suited him off the court as well. 

“I love you, Wakatoshi. I’m the one who’s selfish.” Tendou spoke into his neck. "I'll be with you wherever you go no matter what happens."

Ushijima gripped onto Tendou with the passion Tendou felt blazing through him right now. The red-haired man pressed a kiss where he had licked earlier and raised his head to smile at his boyfriend. Ushijima gave a rare small smile back and Tendou pressed another kiss to his lips. 

The stares shriveled away. 

"Don't stop making chocolates," Ushijima said when they pulled away. "You are extremely good at making those."

"High praise, Wakatoshi!" Tendou laughed and patted his hand against Ushijima's cheek. "Maybe I'll become a chocolatier."

"I think that's a great idea." Ushijima pulled away to get into the driver's seat of the car and Tendou climbed into the passenger seat. "I would visit your shop often."

Tendou hummed and peered up at him. Ushijima looked back with a glow of golden on him. Tendou was so so lucky to have him. And Ushijima, as stated by the man himself, was lucky to have him as well.


End file.
